Some Days

Some days, the vision of my Lord is so clear! I can see Him, robed in majesty, shining in glory, angels running to anticipate His every comfort. He is wearing a crown and seated on a throne and He is watching for His bride. All Heaven is singing His praises! They fall on their faces before Him! He is magnificent! He needs only think something and it happens! How awesome He is!

These are the days when I get a true and honest picture of myself. These are the days when I know, with every fiber of my being, that I am not worthy of His notice. I am not worthy to even see His face. I am worthy only of His wrath and condemnation…until… Until I cling to the cross and all that it means. Until I put away all my pride and beg my Lord to notice me, to heal me and to forgive all the base, deplorable things that have made up my life, and trust fully in His redemptive power. These are the days that I know that my every breath and heartbeat is His to grant or withhold. Do I fear the day when those blessings will be withheld? Yes and no. Yes, I fear the pain that might lead up to my death and the heartache I might feel on that day if a loved one does not know the way that I go. But no, I do not fear my magnificent Lord. He loved me so much that He allowed Himself to be abused, beaten and murdered in disgrace for my sake. He stands in the Heavenly courtroom, and as my verdict of “guilty” is read, He steps forward and says, “Father, I have paid for the guilt of this one” and I am free to go! Is it any wonder that my desire is to fall on my face before Him and just worship?

But then comes the everyday. At work, I run around like a nut, trying to meet deadlines and due dates. It’s all in the details and I have to watch all of them. Then, finally at home at night, it’s a mad scamper to cook dinner, clean up, throw in a load of laundry… well you know that routine… then fall into bed exhausted, just to do it all again the next day. Where is His glory in that? I have to guess that it’s in doing the best job I am capable of, even when doing the mundane. It’s in keeping my mind clear and my mouth clean. It’s in trusting that He will stand beside me all day long, even when I make mistakes or get tired, because He is faithful to be with me always. It’s knowing that fact that keeps me worshipping and obeying, even when it’s not the popular thing to do. And crazy as it sounds, He’s with me even when I mess up! Even when I have to halt what I’m doing, drop to my knees and beg Him to forgive me yet again, He is there.

We western Christians have it pretty easy. Very few of us actually suffer for our faith. I think it’s because we don’t have to pay very much for it, we cheapen faith and forget the terrible price He paid. We accept His grace, then stash it on a shelf and blow off the dust only if we run into a ditch beside the road of life. Mostly, those ditches are pretty easy to get out of, so we commend ourselves for the inner strength we found and our own ability to get out of a jam, and we slap our faith back up on the shelf until the next time. But unless faith is used and oiled and polished and shared, it withers and becomes useless. It is like the legs that are never exercised. The muscles become weak and atrophy. Maybe that is why God allows Christians to suffer in ways that we can’t think or scrape our way out of. In those times that are completely beyond our control, we must turn to Him for wisdom, strength and guidance. These are the times when only a strong and healthy faith will pull us through and on the other side, we cannot take pride in extricating ourselves from the impossible, but must point to the one true living God as the only one that has saved us.

The challenge today, is to give Him glory and honor and dominion over my life even when it seems easy. Trusting Him even when I don’t think I need Him or when I’m not facing an imminent trial is the trial of the true follower of Jesus Christ. Learning to count my blessings and praise Him for each and every one has made me stronger and shown me how to love the unlovable and to forgive the unforgivable. It has made me see that being uncaring and rigid and unforgiving is to make my feelings more important than anyone else’s and is, therefore, worshipping myself. That means I have a weak, fallible fool for a deity and the follower of that deity is pathetic! No, I cannot trust that deity. Instead I place my everyday trust in the Creator of the universe and have learned to see the miracle of His creation in every little thing. He has taught me to thank Him for each tiny miracle every time I become aware of it and He has taught me to be aware more and more each moment of my life. And some days, He blesses me with the vision of Himself that makes the worship so easy and so plain. Some days, just like today.

Cuddles

It's nearly 4:30 a.m. I've been up for about 1/2 hour, had my tea and soaked in a hot bath. Now I have to get going or I'll be late for work. If I leave at just the wrong time, my commute will be a headache. But here comes Kitty... she jumps up on the bed beside me where I'm sitting trying to find my socks. She sings loudly and pushes her forehead up under my chin, standing on my arm. Her claws weave in and out and I feel tiny, little scratches as she moves from beside me onto my lap. I cuddle her to me and she is soft and warm. Her purr is soothing and I wish I could go back to bed...until...ka-thunk, here's Puppy! She's an overstuffed cross between a border collie and an yellow lab. Fifty pounds of 6 year-old canine silliness that cannot stand to be left out of "cuddles" in the morning. She sniffs at Kitty and pushes her nose under my arm. The fur of her back is coarse, but her ears and head are soft. Not fine and silky, like Kitty's, but short and fluffy in a doggy-sort of way. She pushes up against my side, then not content, she drapes herself across my legs. Kitty's had it! She's out of my arms and out of the way. The big dope has taken me over. But Kitty's not done. I feel her paws on my back and before I can stop her, she launches herself onto a perch on my shoulders! OK, Guys, I'm not going to be able to get off to work this way! I scratch ears, stroke heads, hug Puppy, but it's never enough. They'd keep me there all day. I finally have to pry Kitty off my shoulders and order Puppy down. They watch me finish getting dressed, knowing the order of the routine that means that eggie and kibbles are coming...my time. I feed them so that I can spend my quiet time feeding my spirit. Thank You, Father, that you give me a longing for You that is as simple and as persistent as my pets' for their "cuddles". If I miss Your word, my whole day is out of kilter, but this simple breakfast, drinking deeply of Living Water, sustains me as no egg, tea and toast can. Thank you for this time with You, Father. This is where I can curl up and be a little girl again. This is my refuge and my safe place. You stroke my white head as though I were tiny and new, even though this body hasn't been tiny for many, many years. You pull me close and wrap me in the warmth of Your forgiveness and I feel new and strong. Now, You gently set me on my feet to face the day. Your word and Your Spirit will go with me and sustain me. Thank You, Father....