Day One.

I made it through one day without my habitual sin.

One day without looking at sin casually.

One day when I read of the glory of my God and was awed at His magnificence.

One day where I bent my knees in sober, serious, sincere prayer, begging for the forgiveness that I do not deserve.

Only one day on a journey of a lifetime and not by my strength or resolve.  Only by the love of a Father that tenderly and gently asks , "Why do you do this to yourself?"  Only by the great power He has given to live a life sold out to Jesus Christ.

One day. . .

I looked at some old posts today and was shocked to realize that it has been nearly SEVEN years since the last one.  I think there are a couple of reasons for this.  One is life changes (I remarried my husband after two years of divorce and heartache) and I have been humbled by life and aging.  I'm just not sure that anyone cares to hear my opinions anymore.

When I was younger, I thought I had all the answers and what I didn't know, I could easily find.  I was sure of myself and my life and didn't believe that I could possibly be drifting off in a crazy direction.  But a few months ago, it was like a light came on and I realized that I HAD drifted.  I wasn't reading the Bible like I used to.  I wasn't looking forward to Sunday services like I used to.  I wasn't even enjoying the fellowship of my church family like I used to.  I began to ask, "Why?  Why would someone who has loved and lifted up the name of Jesus most of her life suddenly wake up one day and realize that His light is too bright and wonderful?"  The answer is now, as it has always been:  SIN!  That pure light of Christ has shown me a black blot on my soul.  It is there, just as plain as can be, yet, up until now I'd never seen it as such.  To think that I could actually be guilty and need to confess something more than just a cuss word now and then was more than I could absorb.  It has broken me!  I am not just ashamed but embarrassed!

So now what?  It's like tackling a giant, messy, overstuffed closet that has to be cleaned out.  It's too much!  It's out of control!  Then I remembered how I got in this mess in the first place . . . baby steps.  Maybe I can't wipe it all out at once, but I can work on containing the mess and mopping up the edges.  That'd be my approach and it'd work OK, right?  Wrong!  It relied on my own strength and resolve and it didn't work.  Time for reliance on my Lord and Saviour.  Time to put Him back where He belongs in my life, if He will allow it.  Time to fall on my face in true, penitent confession and beg for His forgiveness!

This has been a learning time that I suppose I really needed.  I have a very long way to go but He has promised that He will forgive.  Please pray for me in my deep despair.  Pray that He will pull me up and dust me off.  I need Jesus now!