I haven’t said much lately, but there’s a reason. Not an excuse. A reason.

Twenty years ago, I married the man that I intended to spend the rest of my life with. We were together for nearly 18 years before he moved out for the third (and I supposed, final) time. We went to court and were legally divorced. I won’t go into what happened or dredge up details of some difficult years because that would break a promise that I made (more on that in a minute). I will simply say that it was – to date – the most painful thing I’d ever been through. I even imagined that it was worse than if he’d died, because I had to watch him continue his life and his relationship with our kids without me. I reasoned that at least in death, there was no rejection.

Well here’s the reason I have been so quiet. Two weeks ago today, my ex-husband and I were remarried and the bulk of my time has been spent readjusting and reorganizing my entire life! Was this easy? No way! But we have both made a commitment to daily put down the old baggage and refuse to carry it. We have navigated slippery stepping stones until we both look at each day as a new opportunity to make a new life together, with Jesus Christ as the focus, not ourselves.

And therein lies the promise I made. I promised to forgive and never to bring up, or use as a weapon, anything bad or painful from our first 18 years together. Jesus said to pray, “forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors”. There doesn’t seem to be any wiggle room in that statement. We can’t keep bringing up and wallowing around in old hurts and yet say that we’ve forgiven someone. So, my husband has now made the same promise to me. He has promised to give me the same chance that he would give a brand new bride. This has been the hardest part of all – to look at him, not as the person that went on without me, but as the person that I love and trust. I’m sure the day will come when I think he’s Godzilla and the moment will happen when he thinks I’m the Wicked Witch of the West! But after all we’ve been through before, and with the strong relationship we’ve built with our Savior, I know that this time, things will be different.

Thanks to all the HCC members that buoyed me up and held me while I wept. And thanks to those that have been my angels of strength when I thought I was losing the battle. And thanks to those that counseled me when I needed to see things in a different light. God put you all in my path because He knew what I needed better than I did.

Now, duty calls….